I ask a second grader if she did anything fun over the summer. She thinks for a few seconds and then says, "Well, we did go to Hawaii, oh, AND we went to Virginia Beach!" She emphasizes Virginia Beach in a very excited tone.
I reply, "Wow! Which one did you like better?"
"Oh, Virginia Beach (as she looks at me with her head tilted like that's a dumb question). We got cherry snow cones there."
(Note to parents: DO NOT spend thousands of dollars to take your children to Hawaii. Instead, take them to Virginia beach and buy them a snow cone. Then, fly to Hawaii without them.)
Approaching a table of rowdy boys I notice a bunch of trash on the floor. I eye one boy suspecting he is the culprit and ask, "Do you throw your trash on the floor at home?"
Long pause and with a smirky look on his face. "Well, yeah. I mean, sometimes."
(Cue long lecture from Mrs. Garmon on cleaning up after yourself and respecting our dedicated cafeteria workers) I briefly consider going old school on him and dragging him back to do some pot washing in the school's kitchen but I'm pretty sure that would be taking it too far.
Disclaimer: gross stuff coming up.....stop reading now if you are the squeamish type.
4th grader and her girl friend are raising their hands intently. As I approach the girls, one of them mumbles with a mouth full of .....something and her hand half way covering her mouth, "Can I pwese haf a nakin?" Realizing that she wants to spit out whatever is in her mouth I hurriedly give her several napkins. I back slowly away as she commences to spit out a huge chunks of partially chewed egg roll and one giant bloody molar. She spits so forcefully that her poor girlfriend is sprayed with bits of egg roll and blood. I send them both to the nurse for a more thorough cleaning and make peace with the fact that I can no longer eat egg rolls without this scene of carnage appearing in my mind. Oh well, I didn't really like them that much anyway.
A 3rd grade girl says to me apprehensively, "I think I found a worm in my fruit cup." Peering closely I examine her fruit cup and find what is most definitely a white worm attached to a small chunk of fruit. I say, "Yes, that is a worm and I think it's still alive." At this point all the boys at the table perk up and want to see it. I give the girl permission to throw it away. As she is walking to the trashcan she says, "OMG, that is so gross. I told my mom not to shop there."
Carrying her denuded corn dog to the trash can at arms length I stop a girl to ask her why she is throwing it away. Her reply, "I've never eaten a green hot dog before. Have you?" nuf said.
