Approaching a boy with a seriously angry face I ask, "What's the matter?"
He points to his lunch box on the floor under the cafeteria table and starts shouting "My lunch is crushed to pieces! I can't eat it like that."
Trying to speak calmly I say, "That's too bad. How did it get that way?"
Still shouting: "Because I pummeled it over and over!"
In my best counselor voice I say, "It sounds to me like someone is angry today."
He replies, "Yeah, my teacher is."
Dating advice overheard from a 5th grader to a Kindergartener: "If a boy tries to kiss you at Chick Fil-A he's probably not the one."
A very excited Kindergarten boy says to me,
"Celia's mom, guess what?!"
"What?" I say with my most excited expression.
"My mom is going to have a sister!"
"Wow," I say. "Your mom is having a sister?"
Long silent pause with perplexed look on his face....."No wait. I'm going to have a baby!"
Another long pause.
Head tilt from me, "Really?"
Lost of giggling from the girls around him and then one shouts out "His mom is having a baby girl!"
Boy smiling in relief and nodding his head in agreement.
Boy with a panicky look on his face, one hand raised in the air and the other hidden under the table.
"Yes," I say. "What are you hiding under the table?"
"I'm not hiding anything. My finger is stuck!"
Me: "What? That's redic.....Oh my goodness your finger IS stuck." (Somehow this boy had jammed his finger between a bar and the table)
"That lady told me it was gonna get stuck but I didn't believe her!" (nothing a bit of ketchup can't fix)
Walking up to a boy who had spilled water right on his crotch. With a sheepish grin he says, "Can I have a few napkins?" I hand him the napkins, look at his water bottle and say. "Probably wasn't such a great idea to try and jam two huge grapes into your water bottle, huh?"
"I know, right? Now I look like I peed myself."
A boy struggling with (and by struggling with I mean licking vigorously) a green and blue fruit leather snack which appears fused to it's plastic layer asks me, "Can you peel this off here for me?"
I just look at him and say, "I'm sorry but I have my limits. You are on your own with that one."
The award for the least nutritious lunch goes to a lucky boy in 2nd grade. A Nutella sandwich on white bread, a snowball (which he explained was a rounded cupcake with frosting and sweet coconut on the outside), spicy Doritos, and a fruit punch drink.
Third grader tells me proudly, "I wore my athletic cup to school today and dared 3 kids to punch me in the nuts! I only had one taker though."
